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Oh Serena! You Broke My Heart!

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or never heard of the game of Tennis, you know that Venus  Williams played in the Women’s finals today at Wimbledon. It is a bit of a shame it will always be whispered that the reason she was in the finals was because her sister, Serena (who I used to refer to as my next wife) was not there.

Setting aside the armchair sports commentary for a moment, it is the reason why Serena wasn’t there that has my nose out of joint. She’s pregnant! And engaged!

I was not consulted on any of this!  It turns out she is like every other woman I’ve ever stalked!

You write letters, cover you walls with pictures and stolen underwear. You ignore one court order after another. And for what?!

Serena is no better than Jennifer Aniston.  I gave Jennifer – the hussy – the best years of my life. And after stringing me along with all those legal threats (we know what she really meant) she leaves me for this poof!

source: Huffington Post

Then, when Angelina kicked Billy Bob to the curb, I thought AH-HAH! This is the woman I’ve been looking for!   Of course, Pitt couldn’t leave well enough alone. He saw what was happening and used whatever evil means were available (probably blackmail – I mean she was dating Thornton) to steal her from me.

I had all but given up on women until last night. I was sitting in my living room, eating Cheetos, drinking a Yoo-hoo, wearing Serena’s underwear on my head (yeah, I still carry a torch for her in my heart) and watching FOX News. I got the impression Kimberly Guilfoyle was giving me the hairy eyeball. Maybe this will FINALLY be my chance at true happiness.

I’ll keep you posted.


I know what you are thinking:  How could a good-looking man, who isn’t of retirement age, be watching Wimbledon and the Tour De France AND the Open, and writing sophomoric posts about hot celebrity chicks?  Well, listen up, buttercup!  By next year you could BE at Wimbledon, center court!  Or you could watch the peloton zip by from the courtyard of a French Bed and Breakfast.  All you need to do is pay attention!

 

 


Matt Jordan is the author of Street Politics:  It Ain’t Your Daddy’s GOP Anymore!  Unlike Russell, I will not give this to you for free.  But you can get it here NOW!

Kindle addition:

Or just start reading on Kindle Unlimited!

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Damn! Now Bill O'Reilly is "Stealing" My Stuff!

I have to keep a running tally of these things.  I have repeatedly made points about politics or spotted a trend that no one else is talking about.  Then, within weeks or months, the pundits are practically quoting me word for word.  Sometimes it doesn’t take that long.

I wrote a piece yesterday that contradicts the popular line on both sides in reaction to the Alexandria shooting.  While people were insisting the Republicans keep their mouths shut and not draw comparisons the Dems usually draw after a shooting,* I was saying the opposite.

As of last night, I was alone in this view.  Then O’Reilly goes on Beck’s show this morning and I could swear he had just read my stuff.  Maybe he’s a follower, I don’t know.  But he launched into a bit about how irresponsible the term “Summer of Resistance” is and even made the same inference as I did about occupied countries in WWII.

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This is wild!  I haven’t even gotten my book yet and I already have my second funnel set up.  I sent out an email to a small list and got 60 hits.  Will they convert?  I don’t know.  But they went in one end and came out the other.  It works!  Now it’s just lather, rinse and repeat.  The rest will happen!

This is the profit engine at the center of the internet universe!

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I do like being vindicated by the well-known, if not the well-heeled.  But it is frustrating to see them sitting back and looking satisfied with their analysis AFTER I had already pointed it out.  At least in this case, one of the big names was not far behind.  In others, like Krauthammer, saying in March of this year that Trump might not be the deal-maker he claims to be and that he lacks the ability to learn and adjust, was only a year and a half late.  Greg Gurfeld has made my I-said-that-first list a few times.

Here’s on example of my slightly self-satisfied complaint.

If I keep a record of these things, then maybe people will start to realize that I am much more in tune than many who have become famous for being so.  It isn’t about bragging….  No wait, yes it is.  It is all about bragging.  I love being right.  I love saying, “See?  See?  You didn’t believe ME. But now the little guy and the old loud mouth are saying it.  Uh huh!  I was right.  Hah!”

*In this case the conclusions to be drawn by the Right are accurate.  Those drawn by Dems in such situations are wrong almost every time.  I site Gabby Giffords, Dallas, the Orlando shooting, etc.  In this case we did have a world-class nut bag, likely emboldened by irresponsible rhetoric from the Left.

If you want to see how right a pundit can be, and learn a l’il sum-sum about real politics and how it REALLY works, get this book!  If you want politics to be fun again, get this book! 

If you want to impress your girlfriend, get this book and say, “It’s like I’ve been saying since 2014…!”, then quote the book like it was your idea.  You won’t be the first.  But you’ll sound smart. (Of course, if you quote me in writing, citation would be a nice change.)

Hey!  I’m kidding!  Just kidding!…a little.

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Time to Watch Serena Again! Sigh!

Big sports events coming up soon.  Golf, cycling, tennis.  I’ll be watching the tennis opens for sure.  Serena Williams is still looking strong.  The linguistic root of her name translates to “my next wife”.

You can skip the Usain – whatever his name is – section of this video and get right to the good stuff!

Lyn says she’s not jealous because I’d sooner get struck by lightning while holding the winning Powerball ticket, than to get a second look from Serena.  Do you think Serena would mind hat I keep my six-pack in a party ball?  Nah!  She’d see the inner “me”.