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What People Really, Really Want.

Isn’t organized religion a handy contrivance?  There isn’t anything that you can say, not a single phrase you can mutter that can’t be tied into a phrase or idea in any grand holy book.  At the end of this article is a link.  For those entrepreneurs studying for the religion business, this link is a very poor example of how to structure your sermons.  It’s rather pathetic in terms of even religious symbolism.  If you want a high-calibre, self-serving sermon that’s going to make you extra relevant in the eyes of your parishioners, you might want to consult Joel Olsteen.  He’s got morons thinking they can find god on the radio for $5.95 a month.  Just a few platitude from a guy who learned his craft as his preacher Daddy’s sound man, and you too can find Jeeeeeeesus.

But the reason I included this clip at the end is because it demonstrates what people will swallow and what you can convince them of under the guise of “spiritual leadership”.  Most of the people in the “pastor’s” congregation that day knew that every word coming form his mouth was ridiculous.  A few, I’m sure, actually bought it.  There’s always a few.  But for all present, there was a reason to at least pretend they bought it.

At about 6:48 in the video, this “pastor” compares a punk and petty thief to that which is the model of perfection to Christians, the Christ figure himself.  This, he tells us, is the result of his conversation with the holy spirit.  His personal conversation that occurs because he is the guy on the podium and so much closer to the center of all existence than those to whom he speaks.  (If a word this guy said were true, you’d have to assume that the holy spirit has a serious problem communicating.) The comparisons he draws are even more stupid than the premise itself.  But, no matter, it was raw meat to those wanting to insinuate themselves into the narrative in front of the TV cameras. They wanted to be part of the hype supplied by this “pastor” and mob rat #7 and violent race baiter the “reverend” Al Sharpton.  This was a media party. This was the place, among many others, where people were getting “permission” from the charlatans to behave in any manner they wished with regard to the law and social norms.  And Al is a pro.  He has enriched himself making irresponsible accusations and encouraging hate and violence. He lacks the nads to take part in it.  But he didn’t mind seeing a Jewish shop burned down after he fired up some hate in a mob a few years back.

And even now, so many weeks after people rioted, burned shops and stole merchandise (because some punk they neither knew or cared about broke a cop’s face and ended up shot) the people of Ferguson look for any excuse the speak nonsense to power and try to provoke a confrontation with police.

There was a time when this would have been shocking.  But it is now a rather tame example of what has become the norm.

If you can convince a large groups of people in the middle east that stomping babies and beheading people because they won’t validate you and your stupid god, well then you could probably convince a few Americans to try it too.  It has already happened here.  If you can do that, then you could probably persuade your credulous followers to picket funerals and denounce soldiers because there are gay people in the military.  It follows that you could also convince people, having not a shred of evidence, that a man dying of a virus with a 50% kill rate was the result of racism.*  And if you can do all that, you can certainly use race baiting and emotional manipulation to get people to act like animals and tear their own town apart.  All you need do is pretend a worthless bully is a precious flower and spew stupid chants like, “No justice, No peace!”

Why?  Because that is what so many people want.  They WANT to be lied to.  They want to be led by the nose.  They want to feel like they are moving with the mob and are therefore more important than they once were.  They want to subjugate themselves to celebrity and call it religion.  They want to vote for political whores (statesmen require the listener to think).  They want to make as many decisions as possible based on pure emotion.  And they never want actions to have consequences.  So, when guys like mob rat #7 and the “pastor” tell them it is okay, they want to behave like mindless children.

To the looters and screamers in Ferguson, grow up. (It cannot be emphasized enough that the overwhelming majority of this cadre never knew the punk, Brown and don’t really care about him.) Learn to resent those who would separate you from the rest of society based on your skin color and join the rest of us at the grownups’ table.  Tell Shaprton, Farrakhan, et al to piss up a rope and sell their debasing shit somewhere else.

To the responsible citizens of Ferguson, I can only wish you well and assure you that eventually the others will run out of cool shit to steal and give themselves migraines screaming mindless chants.  When that day comes it will be up to you to rebuild you city.  It probably goes without saying, “no matter what your skin color” because that isn’t what makes you responsible or irresponsible.

To the rest of the country I can only suggest that you not draw the MSNBC lesson from Ferguson.  Justice doesn’t come from emotionalist rants and riots and mob mentality.  It comes from deliberative responses to crime and social ills.  By all means, monitor you police and government.  But don’t pretend you believe that the proper answer to the death of a punk is to praise the punk.  Wait until there is evidence before you decide to burn down your own neighborhood.

*”Reverend” Jesse Jackson, in a desperate bid to rebuild his own relevance blames the death of an ebola patient on racism.  But hey, he got on TV!  The collection plate and the next Rainbow Push rally should net a tidy profit.

How the “pastor” made is nephew’s funeral all about himself and other stupid stuff

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The Weird Shit Humans Do – Part I (Kissing)

The best thing about hosting a political blog is that when I grow weary of covering the political zoo, when I despair of ever finding an actual statesmen in this intellectual wasteland, I can occasionally avert my attention and just have fun.  To wit:

Let’s Play Smashy Face!

Have you ever sat back and taken stock of human behavior and interaction from a critical point of view? Half of you just muttered, “Of course; stupid question.” Sadly the other half just said, “Huh?” Well, Supercyrano has been pondering this oddity that is the human being. And just for shits and giggles, I’ve decided to play with it here on the very blog that brought down Jay Carney…sort of.  My own lip is curling just a little bit.

Now this is one that I have been pondering for a while.  More than passing strange, is kissing.  As a friendly greeting or display of familial love, it is odd enough.  But as an action of passion, well, how did we hit on this?  Who was the first person to say,”Hey, I’m felling a bit horny.  Let’s see if there is anything to it.  Smash your mouth against mine and we’ll gauge the result”?

Seriously, what an odd development.  I have always assumed it was an outgrowth of us sniffing at each other as humans did before the Kennedy Administration.  I still do that.  I usually get kicked out of the bar, but I’m also drunk by that time so it’s all good.

I did some reading on the subject of kissing.  At Psychology today, Noam Shpancer (now there’s a name for ya), PhD says, “ A kiss brings us into close physical proximity with the other, close enough to smell and taste them. The face area is rich with glands secreting chemicals that carry genetic and immunological information. Our saliva carries hormonal messages. A person’s breath, as well as the taste of their lips and the feel of their teeth, signals things about their health and hygiene, and thus their procreative suitability.”

Dude!  Are you trying to put me off kissing?  Aren’t doctors gross?  How do they ever have sex?

So what, did people say way back when – before Whoopi Goldberg started shaving her eyebrows and Rosie O’Donnel started… shaving?  “Oh!  BLECK!  No, Sweetie, I don’t want you to be the mother of my uggles (caveman for babies).  I am not happy with the taste of your dental bacteria and your salivary secretions.”  Of course, what sane man- even a caveman –  would say that?  Maybe that was when they invented the line: “It’s not you, it’s me.”

But I digress.  

When kissing, who but the most socially maladjusted, analyzes the other’s spit and glandular output?  We are just hungry for each other.  We’re not sampling.  We’re trying to find out just how much we are going to get away with tonight.  At least the guy is.  The woman is criticizing technique and calculating whether she might put off mimosas with the girls to give this schmo a shot at the title.

But why kissing?  Why not thumb wrestling or the shot put?  Why not balancing baseball bats on our noses.

Doctor Shpancer asserts that maybe, “we bring that person into our vulnerable personal space and agree to take the risk of catching an infection or disease.”

Doc!  Seriously!  Okay, I’ll go as far as checking for halitosis and maybe hoping her double mint is still tasting minty.  But stop with the microbes!

You have to admit though, it is a damned funny activity.  Maybe there’s a stunt aspect to it.  It is something you can do with no hands; “Look Ma!  I’m only using my lips – AND I got my eyes closed!” 

Remember, I AM a Professional.

I would have to say though, that in the case of kissing, our hands may actually add a degree of difficulty to the execution.  You have to know where to put your hands for maximum effect.  While I pride myself on kissing ability, I used to get ahead of myself in terms of the hand placement continuum. For example, when kissing a person for the first time, it is unwise to showoff your one-handed bra hook technique, especially on a crowded subway platform.  It cost me half a paycheck just to make bail.  Oh, and you should probably know her name by this time.

So guys, I have found that the technique that works best (and avoids having to register as a sex offender) is to move slowly.  Remain a bit tentative.  This puts the prey, er – ahem! – uh, your date at ease.  It lets her think that you are not the presumptuous pig that most of you are.  As your lips meet, try the “one – two” technique.  One hand goes to the waist, the other to the side of the neck and just touching the jaw line.  First waist, then neck.  Try it in the mirror a few times until you are comfortable with it.  Then wipe down the mirror.

Now we move the actual kiss itself.  There is a lot to avoid here.  The biggest is simply not getting carried away.  There are people out there who think passionate kissing consists of placing your mouth over the lower half of the intended’s face and lashing the tongue about like it was a whale tail.  NO!  Bad dog!  All this does is freak out your date and leave her nose, chin and some clothing dripping with unwanted spit.

Video examples:  Don’t be this guy!

Another ‘fail’ is treating the tongue as a separate player in the project.  This is where one partner avails the tongue even slightly, and the other forgets the lips and tries to suck the tongue right out of partner number one’s face.  A well-delivered kiss is like a French desert recipe.  Tongue and lips must work together, balanced and subtle to have the desired effect.

Back when I was a world renowned lover, the technique that led the fewest arrests was to combine the peck and passion technique with the one – two maneuver.  You should proceed thus.  When you are ending a date or at a quiet moment when she registers clear affection, lean in slowly while holding her gaze.  A quick kiss (the peck), then One (hand to the waist).  Now, inhale through the nose. You don’t want to pass out.  Next, open your lips ever so slightly against your partners lips.  If still in the game, she will do likewise.  Now touch your tongue lightly to her lips.  Now Two (hand to neck).  This starts the passion segment.  Close your eyes.  Your date should respond and your tongues should just touch.  She may even lean into you; pure heaven.  Now you may kiss more urgently and firmly.  Just don’t drool or giggle into her mouth.

Whether you use my ideas here or find something nice that makes your best girl feel good, just remember that the most successful kisser is the one who seeks to give pleasure.  The pleasure returned will be exponentially greater.

I was hoping to follow this with a segment on fondling and necking.  But the judge signed a gag order, in force until the trial is over.  Ah, well.  On the bright side, I may get off with time served.


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Our Tradition

July 1st

On our lawn in Thornburg, Virginia.

July 4th

Same lawn, same flag pole.
Every year between July 1st and July 4th, Lyn and I (she is still Canadian and loyal subject of the Crown) stand on the lawn in period costume and beat the tar out of each other.  We call it a re-enactment.  Then on July 5th we become allies and trading partners again.  We seal the treaty with rabid monkey sex.  I’m not sure how historically accurate that part is.