I have but one New Year’s resolution: EFFING WRITE MORE! I have been remiss, especially in the last month or so.
2014 saw the launch of one of the most riveting and influential blogs in all of Thornburg, Va. This one, Pedestrian Politics and Economics far outstrips the local competing blog Lawnmower Engines and the Men Who Love Them. This morning I established the coveted Spotsylvania Award for Journalistic Excellence, sort of a Pulitzer for rednecks, and promptly awarded it to me.
And why not? In less than a year we made the case against the existing US foreign policy in the Middle East in three posts, discussed kissing, corruption, mob rat #7 and almost single-handedly brought an end to Jay Carney’s career (I have a few regrets there.)
2014 also saw the launch of Operation Moron, with the mission of dumping the top four in the House and Senate and positioning the Republicans for the White House in 2016. Now that this blog holds the highly respected SAJE the Republicans will surely sit up and listen.
But if you think my previous, barely understandable rants were perhaps a bit too harsh, stand by. I intend to piss off everyone this year. Before the year is out, I will upset people from every race, creed and sex, or lack thereof. It seems that the only way to motivate Americans is to tweak their noses and run away laughing. I am just the man for that job.
I make this promise: I will do my level best to present views that are at least arguable on a reasonable level. While I will leave your nose feeling properly tweaked, it will be because my argument is strong; not because I think daisies spring out of my butt every time I post something. I will also strive to be right. But then, when am I not? (For those of you just tuning in, I am always right…and damn good-lookin’!) Further, I promise to do all these things more often, so long as She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed has no objections or has no chores for me to do.
I’d like to think that as the new year unfolds mentors like George Will and CK will look at this blog with pride; the kind of pride a man has for his 27 year-old son who stops licking windows and takes a position as a carnival barker – or Al Sharpton’s hairdresser – eew. And I humbly hope that your New Year’s resolution will be to share and comment on every syllable this award-winning blog publishes in 2015.